Tough moments


I have endured some tough moments in the last week and moments that I am thankful for all at once. My father was diagnosed with a terminal illness and in the last few days my mother and I helped him work through the steps at the end of your life when there is no cure. In the last 5 months I have had amazing open heart conversations with my dad that I have not had my entire life. I told him it was a gift to receive this openness and to communicate with him to help him release all his pain he has held on to for so long. I received a great gift of him telling me how proud he is is of me, something that was previously hard in the past for him to stop and recognize. My dad is an amazing human, an artist, chemist, chef, gardener, and so much more. He is a gentle soul, always so sweet and loving of others. He was brought up in the 50's and had attractions to males, but his Catholic upbringing made him believe it was a sin. He lead his life thinking his natural being was wrong. I am thankful that he was able to meet my mother (friends for life), and bring me here. But, it gives me such pain that my dad went through his life believing he was wrong, committing a life of sin. What his struggles have taught me is to be who you are and lead from the heart and in the last 5 months he has worked so hard to find this path and be comforted by his own heart.

My dad introduced me to art. He is the beginning of my love of art. When I was in kindergarten, we would attend plein air classes together, when we lived in Yosemite. I remember struggling to make the blank canvas look like what I saw. I saw everyone else painting perfect pictures and I remember being afraid, frustrated, and defeated by my blank canvas. My dad ran his finger down the side of the tree and said, "it's what you see, look for the line, paint from your heart".

I did. And I continue today to lead from the heart. My work is my dedication to my amazing father.

Love you dad!!!!