The other morning I woke up early and got out on the trail before the sun could rise. It was a difficult task, but mother nature rewarded me with an amazing sunrise just as I was coming out of woods. My current goal is to start to paint from memory more, and not rely on photos to bring in my studio. So I stopped and really tried to take in as many details as possible. When I got home (okay it was the next day for I kept getting distracted) I took a sketch of what I saw and noted the colors. On Monday I went to my studio with motivation and excitement to interpret this moment from memory. I didn't get far, I found a lot of blocks came forward. Fear that it would be an awful painting. Scared that I could even paint this from memory.
I walked away from it. Left it there and took my anxiety and fear with me.
Today is Wednesday and I had a lot that ran into me between then and now. One thing was a challenging co-worker interrelation that got me reflecting back to my issues and my challenges. Questioning my fears and reminding myself to paint that ugly painting. And then a quote in my calendar: "Today i am willing to see how and where i need to change."
Well I went into my studio tonight head on, with gusto, a little bit of worry and anxiety. I think that gusto overwhelmed the fear. I can be head strong and forget that I bulldoze with my energy at work, so today I really tried to twist that around. However I think I steered that energy into the right direction, my work. Enjoy.