I keep walking by my yogurt container that has my cleaned paint brushes from two weeks ago and look at them with a feeling of regret. I skipped my time in my studio last week, because I had holiday projects to make and create. I keep kicking myself that I chose to skip that time and those paint brushes keep reminding me of this choice.
The feeling of avoiding my work because I am afraid I won't paint something good or paint at all keeps coming into thought. Is this why I have procrastinated and avoided my studio?
It does ring a bit true, that fear is overtaking my thoughts and guiding my decisions. Then my boss asked me how my holiday project making went and I told her it was fun, but I skipped my art night. She said "that's creative". She is right, I have kicked myself all week about not showing up for my time, but I did. It was just a different creative and maybe I needed to release an easier creativity.
Today I gave those holiday gifts out and got that great feeling and driving energy that I get when I give. Just like the energy I get when someone enjoys my paintings and wants my work in their space. So sometimes that "creative" energy may be simply craft work, cooking, dancing, or gardening. And I am okay with that. The paint brushes can sit, but not forever, and I can move a different creative energy around, so when I get to that studio it will be the right energy.